Monday’s Meditation: On Giving & Taking In Blog-land
I wasn’t expecting anything when I wrote Thursday’s post. I didn’t really imagine what the response would be, or if there would be one. Only, I had reached a point that not addressing this thing we share no longer felt like an option. So, I did as Kathleen Kelly did and sent it into the void.
That was probably a lie a few sentences back. I could have gone on blogging without saying a word for at least a couple more months.
Something about me: I am very, very good at giving to others. It gives me so much happiness and pleasure to do for, and care for others. Like, happier even than doing something for myself. I don’t do it as a way to ensnare others into giving to me, and in fact, most of the time I don’t even consider what I might “get out of it.” This is true to a fault.
On the other hand, I’m pretty shit at playing the recipient role. That posture just doesn’t come naturally to me the way to giving does. It doesn’t occur to me.
I recently asked one of my beloved clients for the favor of using her home for a handful of hours to create [SOMETHING SUPER SPECIAL JUST FOR YOU COMING SOON]. And could the professional I’d hired for it come, too? It was like nails on a chalkboard that my request might inconvenience her, or put her in a position where she felt obligated to say yes but really didn’t want to. (For the record, she could not possibly have been more generous, gracious, laid back, and giving about it, which blew me away.)
See, I am and have always been really steady. Even when I’m frustrated or overwhelmed, I got this. And as a result, when it comes down to the option of me giving to others or me asking for my needs to be met, I defer to giver. Because I really am fine, after all, and my life is really healthy, after all, and I have perspective.
But the truth is, after this many years, I needed confirmation by way of the human element. I needed your voice here, not mine.
I woke up Thursday morning and saw that outpouring—that’s what it felt like to me—of responses and I was blown away. Call me a kite, a rogue balloon, a wished-upon dandelion because I was skybound and floating.
I realized then that not since The Most Important Post I’ve Ever Written have I been so transparent with you. Or vulnerable. Or something.
And I had that great duh stupid feeling, you know that one? It’s the one that happens when a long, overwrought issue gets solved in an instant, and you wonder why you didn’t take action to remedy the situation sooner.
After months of feeling unsure, all I had to do was ask. No jokes, no agenda. You all were right there, as soon as I asked you to be.
Standing in my client’s bedroom that day, I was overcome with the same sensation: wow, look how people will show up for you, Annie, when you ask.
So, I’m throwing this quote in today’s mix, which I’m sure I’ve used before since it’s one of my most favorite (and clearly most pertinent reminders personally).
For the record, each and every one of your comments were a delight to read, not even because of what you said, but because it was your unique voice saying it. And because your giving to me is a powerful lesson for me. You showed up for me. You gave me your presence in spades and that means to me much more than you realize.
Thank you, Simply.
Also for the record: whenever you feel the need or desire to comment, know your voice is valued here. Even if it’s one word. Even if it’s a clumsy keyboard emoji.
Finally, I’m happy to write that as of now, there are many, many more posts to come. Because of what each and every one of you said and emailed. I’m pretty sure this blog has the most special, most considerate, most humor-appreciating readers in all of Blogland. And I love you. And I am, put-a-ring-on-it, read-the-vows, rub-your-sore-toes-under-the-table committed to you and this space.
Also! I think our family needs a name. So…maybe you can help me brainstorm?
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