Your Days Of Frantically Searching For Your Keys Are Numbered…
Sometimes one kid in the class misbehaves and everyone has to stay late on account of it and that’s just the way it is. That’s sort of like today’s post.
See, I was home in Detroit a couple of weeks ago and was preparing to head out to my dentist appointment, which I had, it should be noted, dutifully scheduled months prior from my cell phone in Seattle. You might be wondering why a person doesn’t keep a dentist in the city in which they’re currently residing and the answer is when your dentist is Dr. John Leo–no, that’s the whole answer. John. You go to John. You do not turn your back on such a man (whose children you helped rear, by the way) but this is really besides the point.
The point is that I was getting ready to leave for my dentist appointment, when I discovered that the car keys were nowhere to be found. My sister’s car, which I had been driving, and had planned on taking, was also missing, which sort of quashed the necessity for that set, and which I had spent a good chunk of time searching for before realizing the car, itself, was absent the driveway. But of the two remaining cars, approximately zero sets of keys could be located. A frantic search mission was carried out: that old lifting of piles, shoving things aside haphazardly, circling the house and grunting. No keys.
A first call to inquire about the status of said keys proved unsuccessful; my dad’s voicemail was happy to take my phone call. Then came more frantic searching. Followed by another call that was, mercifully, answered.
Of course the key I needed was in a bowl under the radio–“it’s the broken one.”
Don’t ask. There’s a strict no question policy we uphold in my house. So you just say, “Sure, okay, the broken key,” until you see it for yourself to understand what exactly a broken key looks like. (Turns out it means the upper plastic part is broken, in case you were wondering.)
Great. Got the key. Time to motor. Got to make that dentist appointment I scheduled months ago.
Only when I got in the car I hadn’t planned on taking with the broken key I had finally located, the gas gauge was below empty. It sat there, looking up at the E, mocking me.
I crossed my fingers and toes the whole way to the gas station. I can’t imagine a more insulting turn of events than running out of gas when your sole mission in life–after making your damn dentist appointment you scheduled a couple of frickin’ months ago–is to fill up the tank.
A few crucial minutes were squandered on inputting the wrong corresponding bank card pin, that sort of thing. But finally, there it was: I had gas in the car, I had a car with a key, and I was set to ride.
Being that it was now five minutes to my appointment, though the drive necessitated twenty-five minutes, I gave a call to the receptionist.
“Hi,” I said. “This is Annie. I had some issues this morning–miscommunications and whatnot–and I’m going to be about a year late for my appointment I made practically a decade ago. Is that going to be okay?”
“Oh, no,” she said, “certainly will not. Nope. In fact, if you come in now, you’ll put John behind for the rest of the day.”
“Right, sure, sure.” I said.
We hung up and I drove back home, gas tank triumphantly full, somehow, still mocking me.
I was completely calm, at peace, even amused. It was all just too funny. Too damn funny. SO LAUGHABLY FUNNY. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO FUNNY. JUST SERIOUSLY, SO IMPOSSIBLY, FAILINGLY HILARIOUS. THAT’S IT! SOMETHING IN THIS HOUSE HAS TO WORK!
And with that, I boarded the stairs, whipped out my laptop, and ordered the first key rack I could find with rush delivery.
And you know what? That key rack came, and we hung it up, and the keys went on it (hold for that miracle) and it was, and is, a thing of beauty if ever I have seen one.
And now, we arrive at your role in all of this. Because I missed my dentist appointment and so you see, my dears, that naturally means that you must have a key rack. And sometimes, that’s just the way it is.
This was one of my more helpful, important posts, wouldn’t we agree?
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