Monday’s Meditation: On A Different Sort Of Thanksgiving
This time of year has a way of accentuating societal norms to an intensely gleeful degree.
That whole appeal-to-the-masses, play-up-the-pretty dynamic that prevails in social and print media during the rest of the year is, from Halloween through to the new year, injected with a hearty dose of steroids. It seems one cannot help but to be bombarded by images of the Perfectly Normal.
And every year, on cue, the signifiers of my typicalness (white, female, of unremarkable height and average weight) dissipate as I am reminded of the fact that I am many things, Perfectly Normal resolutely excluded.
Am I the only one who looks at conventional gift guides and has to laugh at how far they come from actually representing the needs and desires of a person I know?
For The Travel-Obsessed. That’s City, but then, he already owns an external hard drive and a backup drive and a back up for his back up. True story. Also, he never wears flannel, doesn’t require a lovely, leather luggage tag because he always carries on, and while I’ve never asked him, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a money neck pouch thing.
Gift Guide For Dads. Helpful, again, in theory, only my own seems to be scantly represented by the assemblage of products. Sure, those chukka boots are good looking, the cologne looks luxe, and those sunnies are stylish, but show me the gift guide for the dad who can only wear one pair of shoes, as instructed by his podiatrist, because of his high arches, or heel spurs, or whatever that issue he was telling you about was, who would flatly refuse any cologne you gifted for fear it would interfere for the homeopathic remedies he takes, and whom you’ve never–come to think of it–not once in the whole of your biography that you can recall, seen don a pair of sunglasses.
I know; I know. No one out there knows me or my dad or my dude, nor yours, in particular. I know that content creators–myself included–aim to produce relevant material, and to be relevant requires a large degree of generality.
But still. I can’t help but to be struck by the departure of the standard from my reality.
The last somewhat typical thanksgiving meal I remember happened at least a decade ago, but even then we were likely eating tofurkey, and there never seemed to be enough extended family in attendance, and also there was that one year when the meal was interrupted by my grandmother experiencing a shortness of breath and necessitating a trip to the ER.
And as long as we’re going down this path, I should mention that very little of the Christmas spirit strikes a cord; my being Jewish basically makes that a non-starter. (Unless texting your family pictures of your lit menorah each of the eight nights is akin to the excitement of christmas morning?)
No doubt about it–my behind the scenes Holidays is like the lovely, hobbling, mumbling act in a circus freak show compared to the Stage-worthy tablescaped, gift guided, perfectly coiffed, holiday traditions that are collectively broadcast as the Norm.
There is not much of my life to be recognized in the images of large families, each of them fully mobile and smiling good naturedly, gathered around impeccably set tables, the room festooned with garlands of evergreens and punctuations of little red berries.
Don’t misread me: it isn’t cynicism, scorn, or even resentment I’m aiming to highlight, merely a lack of relatability.
Contrarily, cornily, I am thankful to be different, and to be reminded of my differences.
I sort of relish the freedom that being far from the norm–too far, at times, as to even be a contender so why even try–grants me and my family. I am grateful to live in a society that allows me to articulate My Experience.
And I am thankful, most of all, for the belief that there are as many ways of living as there are people in this world, and that so long as yours is authentically your own, you are right.
No matter how weird we each are, by our own standards, we are Perfectly Normal. We are not out of place when there is no “place,” and we are not failures at achieving Picture Perfect when there isn’t–really, there isn’t–such a thing as the perfect picture.
I’m thankful to be me. And I am thankful that you are you. Thankful that we get to live out our richly varied, wonderfully weird, entirely invented, limitless and divinely interconnected destinies in tandem.
….but come on; tell me I’m not the only one.
5 Comments
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Thank you Annie. Loved your post. And, for the record, killing a tree and dragging it into the home is such a bummer 4 weeks later when the reality of the act becomes so clear. Less is more, especially this time of year. Counting blessings, not prezzies.
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Really enjoyed reading this post! Who can honestly measure up to the media’s version of how it should look?! (Not my family that’s for sure!).
Jenni -
Thank you! I loved this post. As a Catholic, the real reason for this season seems far too often overlooked (and I don’t say this in any way to disparage your beliefs). While my family will travel to celebrate together, we will not have perfectly matched place settings, identical trees flanking the fireplace, a bar cart or any of the other “essentials” social media implies are needed.
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Super-agree with this! I’m a traveler like City is (yes, my backup drive has a backup!) and I find those gift guides just as hilariously incompatible with myself and my family members. I like looking at them just because they’re pretty, but in a sort-of “looking at pretty magazines that aren’t real life at all” way. I do agree we’ve been bombarded by too much of it lately though.
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So relieved to hear you say this, Daisy. THANK YOU for reassuring me I’m not the only one having this experience!
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Thank you Annie. Loved your post. And, for the record, killing a tree and dragging it into the home is such a bummer 4 weeks later when the reality of the act becomes so clear. Less is more, especially this time of year. Counting blessings, not prezzies.
Really enjoyed reading this post! Who can honestly measure up to the media’s version of how it should look?! (Not my family that’s for sure!).
Jenni
Thank you! I loved this post. As a Catholic, the real reason for this season seems far too often overlooked (and I don’t say this in any way to disparage your beliefs). While my family will travel to celebrate together, we will not have perfectly matched place settings, identical trees flanking the fireplace, a bar cart or any of the other “essentials” social media implies are needed.
Super-agree with this! I’m a traveler like City is (yes, my backup drive has a backup!) and I find those gift guides just as hilariously incompatible with myself and my family members. I like looking at them just because they’re pretty, but in a sort-of “looking at pretty magazines that aren’t real life at all” way. I do agree we’ve been bombarded by too much of it lately though.
So relieved to hear you say this, Daisy. THANK YOU for reassuring me I’m not the only one having this experience!