My gentlest women and men; today I humbly request the opportunity to present to you an idea so profound, so earth-shattering that the blogosphere may very well shatter in exaltation in a way it hasn’t since the first pronouncement of The Buffer Zone (that happened— take my word for it but whatever you do, don’t investigate the matter further).

Following that great wave-maker, today we delve into the tremendous territory of checking on stuff. Do not underestimate the power of this act. The world has lost count of the number of prized artifacts that have been recovered just before the point of loss as a direct result of the double-take.

The official terminology (I shan’t introduce a topic without sufficiently supplying you with the information you’ll need to begin enacting it) is to “Do The Check,” more commonly known as “D The C,” “D-ing The C,” “DTC,” and any other variations of those three capital letters you might brainstorm. For some of us (me) D-ing The C is encoded into our DNA. For others, not so much. Those prone to ADD, losing things, and forgetfulness (ostensibly also: all of the above) should therefore be even more purposeful about this practice.

Especially opportune moments for D-ing The C:

– Upon leaving a hotel room you have inhabited for any period of time. A non-negotiable circumstance for DTC. Pack up your belongings. Move them as close as possible to the door. Those are things you’ve accounted for. Now, D The C like you mean it: check the bathtub whether or not you bathed, lift up the seven flat sheets, that weird styrofoam blanket, and the actual quilt, look under pillows, in corners, under the bed. DTC is done when you have eliminated every shadow of a doubt that any speck of you remains in that rented room.

– Upon exiting any public transportation unit: cabs- pay that driver, thank him gratefully, then D The C on those car seats and floor. Airplanes- gather your belongings, D The C in the seat pocket in front of you, the floor around your seat, your actual seat. ETC.

A slightly different application, no less important (and as a way to illustrate the wide reach of DTC):

– Upon picking up carry out food from a restaurant. Do not just take the bags they give you, pay, and walk out the door like a dumb-dumb. You DTC! You open up that take out container and make sure a. the food you’re being given is in fact your order and not some dude named “Johan’s,” b. they’ve included whatever meal accoutrements you require such as plastic silverware, dressings, etc.

Or like don’t and lose all your stuff all the time and see if I care.

No! I do! D The C! I swear it will make all the difference.

K byeeee (Happy Halloween! Trick or Treat Yo-self right with giant candy DTC!).